just hanging by a moment
by my insides are blue
Summary: Little Louis Weasley is brave. But his mysterious eleven year old cousin, with her strange grey eyes and long blonde hair, almost scares him. / LucyLouis / For Middy.


**just hanging by a moment**

a/n: this is my first fic for the Gift Giving Extravaganza 2013, for which I will write fics for people once every month. This one is for Middy (angels are watching over you) who's a great friend, and absolutely brilliant and gorgeous. I haven't actually written much Lucy/Louis, but you're like the Lucy/Louis queen and I seriously hope I don't disappoint you. ;)

also, happy birthday in advance, bb. ♥

warnings: language, very subtle mentions of drug use and smoking, implied sex. *ahem*

a million thanks to Bree (a beautiful catastrophe) for helping me so much with this and beta-ing the whole thing. :)

credit for the title and lyrics in the fic goes to the song, _**Hanging by a Moment by Lifehouse.**_

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Intimidated is a suitable word to describe his feelings when she looks over at him. Her grey eyes are cold and smoldering with some hidden genius at the same time, and they send shivers down his spine.

Nine year old Louis Weasley is not usually one to be frightened. He is brave; braver than most children his age. After all, it takes a lot of courage for a nine year old to cross a street on his own, without the help of either of his parents. Louis Weasley is brave. He knows it, and is proud to be so.

But his mysterious eleven year old cousin, with her strange grey eyes and long blonde hair, almost scares him. She doesn't scare him for himself; he doesn't think she would be of any harm to him. But there is something about her that makes him think that she would harmful for _herself_.

Who ever knew that this small boy, empathic and perceptive as he was, could be terribly wrong but incredibly right at the same time?

**-:-**

_**desperate for changing**_**  
**_**starving for truth**_

They are never really close. Louis is closer with her sister who is his age. He usually hangs around with Molly, Fred, James or the other kids. But Lucy falls in the group of the older kids, with Dom, Victoire and the others. They haven't really gotten the chance to ever hang out alone, or to get to know each other.

Besides, it isn't as if it matters. He doesn't think there is anything in common between them. Somehow, if he finds himself alone with her, he honestly doesn't know what to talk to her about.

Nevertheless, he hears stories. He hears stories about her from other family members, and no one seems proud of what Lucy Weasley has turned out to be.

Molly never speaks well of her sister. He becomes used to the usual, "She never lets me borrow any of her books even if she's not reading them," or "She never lets me use her shampoo, it's so annoying."

But then once in a while, Molly blurts out, "She never tries to have a normal conversation with me or Dad. She always wants her way, and when Dad doesn't want her to do something, she keeps on wanting it even more."

He hears things from his mother. Someday or the other, Fleur says, "I've heard from Ginny that Lucy has started smoking in school. Oh my Lord, Bill. She's only fifteen. I'm worried about the poor girl. Talk to Percy about it, will you? If only Audrey were still alive."

He thinks that she doesn't really notice him. They exchange the occasional 'Hello's and 'how-do-you-do?'s, and she sometimes smiles at him or ruffles his hair during Christmases. But she doesn't _really_ look at him.

(he isn't bothered by her indifference. no, he isn't at all bothered. not until much later.)

**-:-**

_**i'm closer to where i started  
chasing after you **_

He starts to notice her when they're both in Hogwarts. He's just a fourth year, stumbling through puberty, looking for anything to distract his mind.

He can't help it; Lucy Weasley is the kind of girl whom you had to notice, especially if you're looking. When you do look at her, you can't really look away.

He thinks she's pretty. She hasn't inherited the exemplifying Weasley red hair; she has blonde hair, cascading in curls down her shoulder, almost reaching her waist. He thinks that maybe her mother was a blonde. But he's not sure because he's never seen the dead Audrey Weasley.

Her eyes lack the warmth of a Weasley. They're strange, but intriguing to him. He still has the eerie feeling whenever he looks into them. He cannot shake it off.

One day, when he's stealing glances at her during breakfast while she sits at the Slytherin table, he realizes that she's different than them all. Maybe it's the way she doesn't resemble any of his other cousins, even Molly. Maybe it's the way she walks in the halls, chin held high in the air as if challenging anyone around her to step up and try to break her down. Maybe it's the way she doesn't put herself out there to be looked at, like other girls, but instead effortlessly manages to _make_ people look at her.

Maybe it's one –or all of those things incorporated into one reason for which he fell for her, the completely wrong person.

(he wishes she was the right one. he truly does.)

**-:-**

_**forgetting all i'm lacking  
completely incomplete  
i'll take your invitation  
you take all of me now**_

It starts out with a full-blown party in the Gryffindor common room. The party's mostly meant for seventh and sixth years, but he's been dragged into here from the Ravenclaw Common Room by Molly. Even he has the right sense never to say no to someone like Molly.

He isn't much of a drinker, not then, not yet. So he sits in the corner, sipping Butterbeer and trying not to think too much about the fact that Lucy Weasley is dancing right in front of him.

She isn't shy. _Man, she isn't a least bit as shy as she seems at home. _

She's dancing to her heart's content, her hips moving with the music and she seems to be singing along with the song. She has a boy wrapped around her, his hands on her waist, moving in rhythm with her.

Louis has a weird feeling in his stomach, and he finds satisfaction from the thought of punching that guy in the face. He doesn't know that blonde boy, but he doubts Lucy does either.

He tries to concentrate on other things. Like how different the Gryffindor Common Room is than the Ravenclaw's one and the other dozens of girls around here.

It doesn't work though. He finds himself looking back at Lucy, admiring her figure in her low cut dress, and the way her lips move soundlessly mouthing the words of the song. The song ends, and the music stops.

And then the grey eyes swivel in his direction suddenly, as if they can sense the pair of blue eyes following her every move. He doesn't know where else to look, so he stares back. He raises an eyebrow, motioning towards the guy intertwined around her. She flashes him a smirk, with a twinkle in her eyes.

To his utmost surprise, she pulls herself apart from the stranger and walks over to him.

"Lonely, Louis?" Her voice is teasing and almost seductive, and he knows that she's as drunk as hell.

"Not really. I'm just not in a party mood," he says, his easy attitude returning and covering up the fact that his stomach was doing flips and flops. She's standing really close, and she leans forward with that same glimmer still in her eye.

"Want to dance with me?"

He shakes himself awake from the shock that resurfaces. He's composed again, and he manages a smirk himself.

"You think you'll be able to handle my talent?" he says, in a challenging tone, though he knows that she knows he's going to say yes anyways.

"It's worth a try, isn't it?" she says, her voice barely a whisper. She's leaning so close that he can feel her warm breath on his skin.

She takes his wrist and pulls him up. She leads him to the dance floor and turns to face him. When the music starts again, she pulls him closer and starts dancing. Before he knows it, he's moving along with her or with the music, but it doesn't really matter then.

_Shit, I'm dancing with fucking-crazy-hot-Lucy._

It seemed too good to be true.

(he should've known then that it was actually too good to be true.)

**-:-**

_**i'm falling even more in love with you  
letting go of all i've held onto**_

He starts his ascend up the stairs of the tower, slowly at first. But then his impatience takes over, and he's rushing up the stairs, his heart racing and his pulse quickening by the minute. The giddy feeling in his stomach that makes the world swim all around him is back.

As he nears the top he strains his ears, but he can't hear anything. He takes the last few steps and reaches the top of the tower.

The first thing that catches his attention is the smoke –there are whiffs of smoke swirling around and around the dingy oval shaped room. In the midst of it all he can make out a silhouette, looking up at the starry sky spread out above her.

His heart beats inside his chest so loudly, he is almost sure that the girl standing two feet away from him can hear it. Even that doesn't stop him from taking three long strides ahead to stand just behind her. Her curly hair is spread out across her shoulders, and she stands still and motionless, unaware of his presence.

He lets his arms fly upward and encircle themselves around her thin, slender waist. She jumps, startled, but relaxes immediately as she feels his mouth at her neck.

She turns around, and flashes her trademark half-smirk. She throws away the cigarette in her hand and turns to look at him again. Her grey eyes sparkle as she says, "You're here at last. I've been waiting for you."

He says, "I know you have." His heart jumps as she leans in and kisses him. He can taste the smoke in her mouth, along with the cinnamon and apple and cherry-flavored lipstick. But it doesn't surprise him anymore, he's used to it.

He pauses for a moment to look at her. He can never really understand how she manages to look so beautiful, especially when she's so high and exhausted like he knows she is. He can make out her sharp, angular features in the dark and her mesmerizing eyes, which are staring at him with a slight curiousity. Her hair looks like a golden frame around her face which is half in shadow. He can spend the whole night staring at her, transfixed that such a thing which overshadows every other being around her, can possibly exist on this earth.

"What's wrong?" she asks, tilting her head slightly. He shakes his head and leans in to kiss her again.

In his mind, he murmurs to her, _Nothing's wrong. I just can't get enough of you. _

(his only fear is that one day she will have enough of him.)

**-:-**

_**i'm running and not quite sure where to go  
and i don't know what i'm diving into  
just hanging by a moment here with you **_

Everything about the emotions she evokes in him is wrong. Everything about the way his heart races and beats inside his chest is wrong. Everything about the thoughts that provoke him when he sees her is wrong. Everything is wrong when it concerns Lucy Weasley.

Everything is wrong when he says, "I love you."

He's not sure that she is still conscious when he's saying it. Even he is barely conscious at that moment when they're both curled up together on the cold stone floor, panting in the afterglow of intimacy.

When he doesn't get a response, it takes him a moment to fully understand. She's silent on purpose, and then he knows that she has actually heard what he has just said.

When he wakes up the next morning, she's gone.

Then he knows.

_How could you ever think that she'll feel the same about you? How could you be so stupid to not understand what it was all about? How could you even think that she feels anything for you?_

No, he doesn't love her.

He hates her.

(he doesn't. he won't. he can't. )

**-:-**

When Molly gives him the news that Lucy has decided to move in with Lorcan Scamander in London, he isn't upset.

He's bitter and angry and unsure of whom he blames more for everything, but he isn't upset. He is happy for her, he truly is.

Because he's Louis Weasley. He is brave; not afraid to confront his own feelings, not afraid to open up to everybody, not afraid to admit how fucked up he has been the last few months.

But he's happy if she's happy. He knows that she's in good hands and she will be okay. She needed this fresh start, and he is certain that she'll make it.

He only prays that he will make it too.

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**thank you for reading and i'd appreciate a review, always. :)**


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